


Bring Yourself Down

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Play Along [21]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/M, M/M, band au, musician au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Any, Any, <i>I guess it'll always be the same / I'm the only one to blame / Why oh why am I unlucky in love.</i>"</p><p>Things between John and Rodney will always be the same, and John is the only one to blame, but Cam is there to help him feel better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Yourself Down

Cam came awake when someone knocked on his door. Not loudly, but he was a bit of a light sleeper. The best thing about being the only male in the band was that he had the most private quarters on the bus.  
  
Cam stumbled for the door, inched it open, squinted at the light on the other side. Vala, Hailey, Amelia, and Grace had still been partying backstage with some fans when John and Cam had slipped out to attempt to have some fun alone.  
  
And then everything had gone sideways, and Walter and Richard wouldn’t tell them anything, and now John was standing on the other side of Cam’s door, still wearing Cam’s t-shirt, shivering and look unexpectedly small and vulnerable and miserable.  
  
“You came back,” Cam said stupidly.  
  
John nodded, swallowed hard.  
  
“Is Jennifer all right?”  
  
John shrugged. “Rodney wouldn’t let me see her, so…”  
  
Cam frowned. “What? Why?”  
  
“Everyone’s pretty pissed off about the whole cancer thing.” John darted a glance at Cam, wet his lips. “Rodney asked if I was keeping any more secrets from him, said he’d walk away from the band if I didn’t tell him, so I told him how I felt, and now he -”  
  
John’s expression crumpled, and while Cam was also pretty pissed about the ‘cancer thing’, he liked John a lot, and seeing John this upset was heartbreaking. Cam opened the door wider, tugged John into his arms. John buried his face against Cam’s shoulder, shaking with silent sobs. Cam felt his sleep shirt grow damp with tears, and he held John tightly, saying nothing.  
  
Eventually John pulled back, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up. I didn’t know where else to go.”  
  
“Here,” Cam said. “Here is the right place for you right now.” He stepped back, guided John back into his bunk. John sank down on the edge of Cam’s bed, stared at his hands.  
  
Cam knelt, unlaced John’s shoes and tugged them off, set them aside, peeled off his socks and set them inside the shoes so they wouldn’t get lost.  
  
“I guess it’ll always be the same between me and Rodney,” John said. “He really does hate me. And it’s all my fault. If I’d just been honest with him…” He peered at Cam from beneath wet, spiky lashes. “When I told him how long I’ve been in love with him - since freshman year - he was so angry, because I’d never told him then, because I had so many chances when I could have, and I didn’t.”  
  
“You kinda told him every night.” Cam wrapped his arm around John’s shoulders and squeezed. “In pretty much every love song.”  
  
John laughed, the sound broken a little hysterical. “It’s true, isn’t it?”  
  
Cam sang, high and sweet like he hadn’t since church choir when he was a boy, “ _I said from the start that you could take it or leave it -_ ”  
  
John joined in. “ _I prefer that you keep it._ ”  
  
Together they sang, “ _Don’t let go._ ”

John changed tunes. “ _She’s running / And he’s walking behind / He’s trying / But he’s last in her line._ ”  
  
Cam picked up the pre-chorus. “ _His love’s dying but he keeps on trying / He lives in fear with a love that’s clear…_ ”  
  
John changed tunes again. “ _The more I love you / The less that I feel alone -_ ”  
  
Cam picked up the harmony. “ _Stoned / Kicking my heels alone…_ ”  
  
John laughed again, the sound more like a sob. “We sound so good together.”  
  
“We’re pretty good together.” Cam stroked John’s hair. He was hurting, and there was nothing Cam could do to stop it. “You’ll be okay, John, I swear. I’m here.”  
  
John was still trembling beneath Cam’s hands.  
  
“How are you feeling, John?” Because dammit, how could Cam have forgotten? John had cancer. He was sick. He needed a doctor or pills or -  
  
“‘M cold,” John mumbled. “Hands are numb. Maybe I’m in shock? Like when you get shot, only no bullet. Just words. _I’m done with you._ ”  
  
“Aw, John.” Cam tugged John closer, wrapped both arms around him, and held him, rocking him.  
  
John sucked in a shaky breath. “Four words, and I’m a million pieces. All over the floor, Cam. Damaged goods. Why would anyone ever want to be with me?” He twisted in Cam’s embrace, stared at him with dark, hollow eyes. “Why are you here with me?”  
  
“Because I like you, and I care about you, and I’m worried about you,” Cam said. He pressed a kiss to John’s cheek. “Come on. Lie down. It won’t look so bad in the morning.”  
  
John nodded, let Cam undress him down to his boxers, and then they both crawled under the blankets, John with his face buried in his pillow to muffle his sobs, Cam with an arm around him, pretending not to hear, and both of them wondering what tomorrow would bring.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from All These Things That I've Done by The Killers
> 
> Song credits:  
> This is For Real - Motion City Soundtrack  
> Walking Behind - The Moffatts  
> Kicking My Heels - Tyler Hilton


End file.
